


I'll be right beside you, dear

by queerwix



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-28
Updated: 2011-06-28
Packaged: 2017-10-20 19:45:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/216471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queerwix/pseuds/queerwix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Sherlock! Don’t you dare, you can’t do this to me—"</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll be right beside you, dear

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for a prompt on sherlockbbc-fic; "The last thing Sherlock ever does is kiss the first person he's ever kissed." Consider yourself warned. Also, I had "Run" by Snow Patrol on repeat.

_Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear _

He opens his eyes, but it stings. There is only darkness. He inhales, but when he does it isn’t air that fills his lungs; it’s water.  _The pool_. He tries to will his limbs to move but to no avail. But he has to get up, he has to— _John_. Where is John? He needs John. He closes his eyes. Everything is so still, so quiet, but his mind is racing.  _John John oh I never got to tell you John we never had a chance John John John why didn’t I why why why now I’ll never know what it’s like and I’ll never see you again oh John_. He was never much for allegories, but his chest feels like it’s bursting from regret and heartache and  _John_. The silence is overwhelming and he wants it to stop, he wants John, he wants he wants he wants, and for the first time in his life he allows himself to. He’s gone his whole life, alone, isolated,  _a freak_ , and he’d never felt the soft press of lips, never touched another’s skin in the darkness, didn’t know what it could be like to feel loved, truly loved. But that was a  _lie_ ; John had made him feel loved. Surely that must be what this feeling is. Affection. Love. Need. He’d never needed someone so much before, never felt this… Complete? Like he was a half of a whole. He was the brain and John, John was his heart.  _I will burn the heart out of you_. Moriarty. Where is John? His thoughts were turning frantic, his body growing heavier, and suddenly—

Something was tugging at him, but it wasn’t the water.

— _John_. He felt himself lift, felt the water move around him, but he couldn’t hear his heart, couldn’t feel his limbs, couldn’t  _move_. There was no more water, then. There was a voice, but he couldn’t— ** _Sherlock! Don’t you dare, you can’t do this to me_** —he couldn’t respond, he didn’t have a voice anymore, and he was afraid, so afraid, for the first time in his life, and all he wanted was John’s arms, to feel the warmth of his body, to touch his skin, he needed John, needed him to, to—

Then there was a pressure on his mouth, and something was filling his lungs, air, it had to be air— ** _Sherlock, please, please, you can’t leave me, not now!_** —but his mind was slowing down and everything around him was turning still, silent, white.  _John John John please don’t let me die oh god please I need you I don’t want to go oh hold me John I’m scared I’m so scared_. It was too late; everything was too late and now he’d never, ever know, would never tell him, could never have him.  ** _Sherlock_**. There was a pressure on his mouth again, but this time it was different; gentle, soft, a kiss, lips brushing ever so lightly across his, a whisper of promise, what-could-have-beens and  _always_. Something wet splashed on his cheek, and then a hand caressing his skin, gently oh so gently, and he felt himself slip, slip, slip, and he only wished he could stay, wished John could know what he had never told him, wished wanted longed, but it was too late, too late now, and the last words he caught before the world slipped out of his grasp were the only ones he ever wanted to hear— ** _I love you, Sherlock._**


End file.
